How to Live Happily Ever After

How to Live Happily Ever After

Go amid factory noise and rock concerts, and you may not be able to hear your grandchildren giggle and coo.
As far as possible, never surrender your wallet to a friend, for it will be returned empty.
Be on good terms with all creditors.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly when required to do so in a court of law; when on  a jury, listen, for even the guilty have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they can beat the snot out of you.
If you compare yourself with others, you may realize how smart you are;
for always there will lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements, for you can plan tomorrow's accomplishments after you have accepted your accolades today.
Keep interested in your career; your paychecks pay your bills
Exercise cautiously, or you may wind up in the hospital...
but let this not blind you to what virtue there is in exercise, for the world is full of skinny people.
Be someone else for Halloween, for the holiday comes but once a year.
Especially do not feign affectation, for you will not impress others when you wear your Elvis mask..
Be not critical of lovers if they make you happy.
Take kindly the counsel of your attorney, for you are paying for it.               
Gracefully surrender your things to the youth who mugs you, for he can kill you.
Save a fortune, for money can help you avoid misfortune.
Do not distress over CAT scans yet to be taken.
Many fears are born of loneliness, so buy as many friends as you can afford.
Be gentle with yourself, for no one liked Marat Sade.
If you believe you are a child of the universe you'll believe anything. I have an ocean view property in Arizona. Wanna buy it?
And whether or not it is clear to you, I am a clearly superior being.
Keep up with the Joneses, for he who dies with the most toys wins.
Looking out at it from inside a Rolls Royce, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful for someone is always working to undermine your happiness. Just ask  Max Ehrmann.

(With apologies to Max Ehrman, who wrote Desiderata)